March 29, 1948: Born in Fort Worth, Texas. My mother married my father because he was a good dancer. They grew up in the big band era — Glenn Miller, Tommy Dorsey. When my father was in the army, he had his picture taken with Frank Sinatra. I have four lovely and influential sisters.

1950: We moved to Memphis, Tennessee. My father worked at J. C. Penney in America's first shopping mall. I was bow-legged and wore corrective braces. By all accounts, I was a bad-tempered child.

1953: My father got angry at his boss and quit J. C. Penney. We moved back to his hometown of Pauls Valley, Oklahoma. This is where my musical education took place.

1956: I got a record player for Christmas. The first record I bought was by the Ray Coniff Singers. Around this time, my mother taught me to dance. I had a pair of pointy shoes and a red shirt that I wore when I pretended to be James Brown. "Live at the Apollo" remains my all-time favorite record.

1965: My parents got divorced. We moved back to Memphis. The first Bob Dylan record was released. I was mystified. Something was happening, but I didn't know what. My mom bought me an acoustic guitar, but I was too lazy to practice.

1967: I threw away all my records in a futile attempt to break rock 'n' roll's hold on my imagination.

1970-1979: Can't remember much except that I met my future wife, Kat Dalton.

1980: Bought a green Italian electric hollow-body guitar and later sold it. I'd love to have it back.

1981-1986: My friend Dave Hinkle and I started a moving business called Zolar Moving Co. and also a band, The Jokers. We did songs like "Lucille" and "Harlem Nocturne." It was loads of fun.

1988-1993: Dave and I started a second band, Neon Baptist, with Jennifer Dowd (drums), Mike Edmondson and Max Ormand (guitars), and Cally Arthur and Kim Sherwood-Caso (vocals). I am related to most of these people. Again, we had loads of fun. More fun than is legal.

1998: The band members grow up and begin to lead adult lives. I persevere. My first album, "Wrong Side of Memphis," is released in Europe and the U.S. I put together a band with Brian Wilson (drums), Mike Edmondson (keyboards), and Kim Sherwood-Caso (vocals). We begin to tour.

1999: "Pictures from Life's Other Side" is released. More tours in U.S. and Europe. More guitars.

2000: Justin Asher joins the band. "Temporary Shelter" is released in Europe (and in 2001 in U.S.). More touring. Living the life most men only dream of.

2002: Yet another album, "The Pawnbroker's Wife," is released. The is the first album without a photo of me on the cover. Does this signify a change in direction? Not really. More tours.

2003: "Wire Flowers: More Songs from the Wrong Side of Memphis" released in Europe.

2004: "Cemetery Shoes" released. Basically, this album is just Johnny and Willie B. (Brian Wilson) doing their thing. Justin helped mix it. New band line-up is Mike Stark (keyboards) and Willie B. (drums, bass pedals, and keyboards). Toured with the Mekons, the world's greatest rock 'n' roll band, in March.